I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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