I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize