peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
