You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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