i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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