Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
