my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
