The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize