Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
