i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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