Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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