so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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