I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I want her autograph on my taint
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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