i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
