All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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