he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
