i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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