I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize