Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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