you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
