i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
