HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
