I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
