....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
