Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
