I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
