i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
