I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
