you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
