Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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