We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
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Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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