i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
