absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
