Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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