If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
