You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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