so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize