Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sext me about skeletons
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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