Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
