she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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