like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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