new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
