K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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