I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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