we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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