i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
