I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
