The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
