Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
