Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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