I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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