I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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