im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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