tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
