Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
