Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
