I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
