Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
