i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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