Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
