Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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