dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
