My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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